I didn’t just step into retirement after more than 30 years in local government management, I leapt. Landing hard, pushing ahead, and piling on. Relentless, ruthless, and riding the rails: Why not read a gazillion books at one time? Why not turn a lifetime collection of journals into a prize-winning publication? Why not apply to the top divinity school in the south?

Off to the races: networking coffees, lunches, dinners, book club meetings, care giving, church and confirmation classes, hair appointments, household, garden, exercise, family gatherings, special occasions, texting, talking, browsing, messaging, calculating, composing, listening to music, counseling, cheering, commenting, carrying on. I was doing it all.

AN ABRUPT AWAKENING

It began like any other morning: Get up by 7 a.m., take the dog for a run, and eat a bowl of cereal. But with just a moment in time, my world turned. I reached up to the cupboard and came down dizzy, saw double, broke a sweat, and fell when I tried to walk.

Tell me this wasn’t happening. I was scared. My husband hurried me to urgent care. They sent me to the emergency room for evaluations and tests. The medical team was magnificent. I was a mess.

Family members have high blood pressure and heart disease. My sister had her first stroke before age 40. I was worried. The doctors kept me in the observation unit overnight for more evaluations and tests in the morning.

I wanted to go home. They released me that evening with a diagnosis of unexplained vertigo. I began to calm down. Vertigo is a random spinning, swirling sensation that can freak you out and flatten you on the floor.

Not life threatening, but certainly disconcerting if you’ve never had it before. I’m told stress is a big trigger, anxiety another, and also fatigue: All reminding me of me.

No kidding, a health hiccup and hospitalization can make you see things differently. You’ve lots of time to sweat and fret in your starched gown, tethered to machines, dry mouthed, watching the clock, listening to footsteps in the hallway, and waiting for test results.

When they let me go with what I heard as good news I wanted two things: a chocolate milkshake and my cell phone. First, refuel with fast calories, and second, radically revise my calendar and to-do list.

LIFE CHANGES

Home again, I got busy but on the right things. I sent regrets, apologies, and no-can-dos. I cleared my calendar of non-essentials for a minimum 30 days. I vowed to spend less time on the road for any given reason.

I committed to whole days without turning on the computer. I created a sacred space free of visual clutter and annoyances. I promised not to take on other people’s pain.

One of my favorite movies is Hanging Up. Not a box-office hit, but the story of three sisters. Amidst personal and professional chaos, the middle sister gets her other sisters to toss cellphones, trash pagers, ditch planners, and begin to heal, unfiltered, long-standing hurts, especially with their dying dad. This movie shows that sometimes we move forward when we first let go of what’s holding us back.

At the time I wrote this, I was halfway through a self-imposed moratorium. Have I changed that much? My husband would probably say no, and I have to agree. It’s easy to get sucked back in, so Michael Corleone laments in a less favorite, but watchable, The Godfather: Part III.

But for now I’m spending more time on the front porch, in a rocking chair, dog below, iced sweet tea beside. I rock, pet, and sip.

So what is the message of this article for managers who consider retirement some day? Here are things I would notrecommend new retirees do:

• Jumping in too intensely to their new lifestyle and failing to lighten up and let it pass.
• Boxing yourself in and filling your days excessively because you’re good at it.
• Working too hard on anything and fearing if you don’t your mind will turn to mush.
• Becoming overly ambitious and dieting, starting all type of projects, or finishing the long deferred pile of reading material – all at once.
• Getting on the road too much because driving, especially long distances, can be trying and tiring, no matter where you’re going.
• Rushing to the rescue and thinking as a former manager that you can manage anything.
• Forgetting you work for yourself now and seeing but not believing “game over.”

And, then, I would recommend this to new retirees:

Figure it out and bypass the best hospital in town.