I was fortunate early in my career to be selected for jobs that one might say exceeded my level of experience. Some of these jobs would normally have been given to a more seasoned person, but I was age 20-something and determined to prove myself.

I remember the feeling of fear mixed with exhilaration. The one that makes you look in the mirror each morning and say . . . I can do this.

At the time, I felt the way to be successful was to look, act, and be more mature. I dressed in conservative business suits every day. I read the popular business journals and books and made a point to talk with my colleagues about them. I worked long hours.

Not a bad plan; however at the time, I also equated “more mature” with extremely serious. I didn’t participate in water cooler talks or the Monday morning chatter of how your weekend was, or who won the game Sunday night.

If my direct reports were getting too chatty (by my definition), I would not so casually move from my office to the general work area and start asking “the talker” about the progress he or she had made on a current project. It was highly effective in getting folks back to work in the moment, but it didn’t help morale.

It also didn’t encourage teamwork, and it didn’t motivate the troops to be high performers. I kept reading those leadership journals, but I still didn’t have it figured out.

A Proud Go-Getter

In my late 20s, I moved from department-focused work to public administration. My supervisor described me as a fast-walking, fast-talking, go-getter. I was proud of that and wore it as a badge of honor.

I went to leadership training and took a short personality profile and was assigned the motto: “Be bright, be brief, and be gone.” It was at this training that I had my first glimmer of knowledge.

I still remember the moment I began to think about what the “be gone” actually meant. I’ve since learned that people are far more motivated by and loyal to people they can relate to and someone they feel is like them.

If you take yourself too seriously, it can have the opposite effect. It took me several more years to realize I needed a new motto.

A Life-Changing Moment

What was the tipping point? I was 29 and an assistant local government manager. A long-time department director had recently been assigned to report to me rather than the city manager and wasn’t happy about it.

I struggled to develop a positive and effective working relationship with him. The director, however, would go around me and generally disregard my direction.

I was frustrated. Then unexpectedly, the director had a heart attack and was hospitalized. When something tragic happens, you forget about the task list and your natural caring and personal side takes over.

It was no longer about work. It was about helping a coworker, so I organized my colleagues to collect his mail and mow the lawn so that his wife could stay by his side at the hospital. Once he was well enough, I suggested we buy flowers and take him a home-cooked meal.

While I organized and planned it, I expected one of the employees that he was closer to would volunteer to deliver it. None did so the task fell to me. This was outside my comfort zone, and I remember feeling uneasy about it.

I made the delivery and stayed with him long enough to share that we had him in our thoughts and prayers and wished him a speedy recovery. He returned to work several weeks later, and to my surprise, went out of his way at every opportunity thereafter to support me and work with me even into his retirement.

Take Time to Invest in People

I learned that to be successful, I didn’t need to be more serious. I needed to be personal and sincere; to listen to people; to slow down and care about what they care about; keep things in perspective; recognize what matters; maintain an open mind; accept differences; invest in the people I work with; and recognize the balance in life.

Now I still tend to walk fast and talk fast, but I find that I can be a far more effective problem solver and leader if I am a more personable leader. Local government leadership is truly a test of grit and gumption but also one of heart. My advice to managers, whether it is your first day on the job or your last, is to keep it real!