It rarely feels like the right time to take the dive into the management seat. I clearly remember the what-ifs that ran through my mind when I took the jump a decade ago. I had an infant and a toddler when I took a job that involved a multi-hour commute in a form of government I had never served in. 

I felt a lot like Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live walking around town hall silently reminding myself that “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Turns out, I was right, but imposter syndrome is a real thing, folks. And the only person who can heal that is you, and apparently, Al Franken.

I learned a lot when I took a nosedive into the management pool, and while at times it has felt like an epic belly flop, most of the time it has been the ultimate cannonball.

1. If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one else will (except your mom). 

Asking for what you deserve or need is awkward, and for some reason, it’s even more awkward for women. Lean into the awkward. You know what you deserve. You have done the comparisons. You know the market. You know when it’s the right time. Come ready and with facts, but never be embarrassed to ask. I’d go to war for so many of the women in my life. Why wouldn’t I go to war for myself?

2. It is possible to set boundaries. 

Sometimes it feels impossible. And sometimes you do miss things when you’re distracted at the dinner table. It goes with the job. Set the boundaries before you even arrive. When I introduce myself at job interviews, I start with who I am, which is the mom to two school-aged children. If you choose me, that is who you are getting.

Setting those initial boundaries can be hard with a new board that you want to impress and employees you are seeking to earn respect from. Model the behavior you expect. “I will be leaving at 4:00 P.M. because I need to attend a softball game.” “If this isn’t an emergency, I need to call you back because I’m doing a French braid.” (Phrases literally uttered by me this week.) We are professionals. We do what we need to do to get the work done and done well. You get to set the terms of how that happens. You may find at the end of the day that you have more flexibility at the top. And, while I don’t recommend the multi-hour commute, finding a sweet spot that allows you to refresh on the way home is key to finding balance.

3. You can be the smallest but strongest person in the room. 

There are still many meetings where I am the only woman in the room, and often I can be the first woman to have even been at this table. To combat that, I show up prepared, homework done. I project my voice even if it might be the softest. I ask questions. I project confidence, but I know what I don’t know, and I admit when I’m wrong. There have been exactly two times when I have had to rise out of my seat to capture the attention of a rowdy meeting. I’ve never yelled or lost my temper. Just the mere act of coming to my full size and doing the unexpected redirects the attention and restores order.

4. Bring your sense of humor and a short memory. 

You will need both. The ability to shrug off the small stuff, to see the humor in your own actions, and to move on quickly will take you far in municipal land. Forget what you read on social media in the same amount of time it took you to read it.

5. Find your gang. 

The people who will build you up every day. Who you can vent to when it is hard and who will applaud even the smallest victories. The ones who will tell you an idea is bad and who will bring perspective to the room. The champions when you aren’t there and the realist when you are. Find those people, hold on to them, and be them.

MELISSA MURPHY-RODRIGUES is town manager of North Andover, Massachusetts, USA.