By Tracey Jones

Negative elements like making excuses often take root in our lives because we allow ourselves to get caught up in an endless cycle of repeating excuses instead of taking control, breaking negative habits, and building self-esteem. Here are a few ways to take control of what’s happening in your life:

Prune the word but from your vocabulary. It’s just as important to weed your mind as it is your physical surroundings, and the most powerful and effective way to accomplish this is to prune the word but from your vocabulary. Excuses are mental weeds that strangle any chance of new growth regardless of how many seeds you plant. Excuses are virulent vines that strangle everything in their vicinity. Excusatory words can be just as venomous as accusatory ones. Steer clear of both. They are two strains of the same weed.

When you remove but from your vocabulary, an amazing thing happens: Where you used to see unfairness and lost chances you will find fortune and opportunity. What you say and what you think affects your circumstances in a very real way. Changing what comes out of your mouth—and what you say to yourself in your head­—can give you a whole new outlook. You can create a life of possibility and potential by avoiding a simple three-letter word.

Don’t be an excuse enabler. Excuses come in two categories. The first derives from things we will not do despite the direct negative impact of inaction; for example, developing a healthier lifestyle or pursuing a more fulfilling career. These buts are insidious and pervasive when you just don’t care enough about yourself to take action. If you want it bad enough you’ll find a way; if you don’t you’ll find an excuse.

The second category derives from things we will not stop doing. It could be an addiction or allowing negative people to stay in your life. This but thrives on the guilt-and-fear excuse and an enabling personality. As much as we like to blame others, the fact is that you are the master of what goes on in your own head. It’s that simple, and it’s that difficult.

There is nothing positive or productive to be gained by making excuses or by repeating them. Repetition gives them credibility and allows them to continue to drain you and others. Let’s face it; life is tough, even for the healthiest and wealthiest of us. Making excuses exiles you to a perpetual rut, while choosing to take responsibility for your happiness and your attitude frees to you to move on to bigger and better things.

Learn to recognize cognitive dissonance. Oftentimes, the only way to get off your but is when the results become so positive or so painful that you are forced to take action. Psychologists refer to this as the cognitive dissonance theory: either something brings you so much joy or causes you so much pain and sorrow that you have no choice but to change your behavior. If you keep repeating the same excuses rather than taking action, then you aren’t at this point yet. It’s that simple. Benjamin Franklin said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” You definitely don’t want Excuse Master on your headstone.

When we allow ourselves to associate with thankless, negative, or even unethical people we become poisoned by them. It’s not their fault; it’s ours. When we lack the discipline or self-esteem to break a negative habit, instead clinging to our big buts, we poison ourselves. Better to be silent than to regurgitate the same old thing over and over.

Albert Einstein defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” This includes making excuses. For things to change, first you must change, so eliminate the three-letter “b” word from your vocabulary because a big but doesn’t look good on anybody.