In fact, old emotional wounds can cause numbness, rage, and anxiety, and may be invisible to the rest of the world. When 1st Sergeant Louis McShane received his honorable discharge from the U.S. Army in 1947 after World War II, for example, he remembers throwing his duffel bag over his shoulder, walking out into the sunshine, receiving a handshake, and hearing the words: “Go home and get a job.”

Fifty years later, after his wife’s death, Louis broke down. He began to speak about the horrors he had experienced on the beaches of Normandy where he witnessed comrades killed and others drowning during the Allied landing.

For years, Louis kept the burden of what he had seen to himself. His employers, family, and even his close friends knew only that he had been in the Army and that he was a workaholic when he returned.

No one except Louis knew that he woke most nights in a cold sweat. Working long hours was his way of coping with obsessive thoughts and nightmares.

Effects of Post-Traumatic Stress

Direct experience with traumatizing events has the potential to evoke a lasting stress reaction. Besides war, such experiences as motor vehicle accidents, plane crashes, environmental disasters, and sexual abuse can shatter a sense of security and make the world feel like a hostile environment.

Witnessing a death through murder, combat, or disaster seems to permeate personal stability and have the most lingering emotional and physical effects that may be accompanied by a prolonged silence, even guilt, about the event.

Unrecognized and untreated post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is known to disturb physical health; emotional status; and relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers. Symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, or constant fear.

If a friend or coworker appears fearful, fatigued, depressed, easily provoked, and/or prone to negative or reactive behavior over a prolonged period of time, he or she may be suffering from an unrecognized and untreated reaction to a traumatic event. The person may choose to remain silent about the experience or may suddenly decide to speak.

Appropriate Ways to Respond

If you happen to be the one a traumatized person opens up to, here are some appropriate ways to respond. Keep in mind that we are not so far away from a time when people were reluctant to seek help because of the stigma attached to psychological treatment and the fear that it could have a damaging impact on a career.

• Recognize that people react differently to disasters and traumatic events. It may be challenging for you to hear about the events that terrified another person, but remember that this is his or her div and you cannot gauge another’s reaction by how you might have behaved.
  Avoid telling someone what they should be thinking, feeling, or doing by responding with such statements as: “You shouldn’t feel like that.” If you are lost for words, it’s better to say something like: “It sounds like you did the best that you possibly could.” If you can’t think of something to say, just offer eye contact and a squeeze of the hand if it’s appropriate.
• Listen with unconditional regard if someone begins to share a past experience. Many people are fearful of how they might be judged by others. You can’t harm someone with kindness, but criticism given at a vulnerable moment can be devastating and unproductive.
• Remind the person that talking may be difficult, but it’s okay, especially if you are sure that you’re ready to listen.
• Provide reassurance that you respect his or her privacy and will not share personal information with others. (The exception to this is when the individual shares suicidal thoughts or ideas about committing violent acts. In these cases, you may be obligated to report what you’ve learned to a higher authority.)
• Avoid such patronizing and distracting behavior as recounting your own experience of traumatic events as if you understand exactly what the person is feeling. If you have gone through a similar experience, it is appropriate to share but don’t claim to “know” what the person is experiencing.
• Acquaint yourself with grief counselors and professionals who deal with PTSD. Be prepared to make a recommendation or referral, especially if thoughts of suicide are alluded to or mentioned. If possible, have names and contact information available. Treatment today of war-related PTSD includes group sessions, art therapy, and combat-stress counseling. Participants say that being with people who have been through the same experience makes them feel more “normal.”
• Believe in the power of listening and the importance of simple connection between people. Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing the experience.

Finding a Way Forward

Back to the story at the beginning of this article: When Louis McShane finally began to speak about what he had experienced 50 years earlier, he discovered that others had been there, too, and he began to sleep at night.

In spite of the many ways we have to communicate in today’s world, it is still possible for people to feel that they should hold on to difficult emotions in isolation. When people exhibit the signs of invisible emotional scars, there may be a story that needs to be told to a compassionate and concerned listener.