One day, you are a deputy city manager of a community, having spent the past four years in the position, and you assume your manager will stick around for another five years or so. The next day, your boss informs you that he has found a new job. From there, you are catapulted into the next year of challenges, successes, opportunity, and so much awkwardness.

I am a thirty-something woman — with a supportive husband and family, and two kids in elementary school — who suddenly had a lot more to think about.

Will I be selected as the interim? Will I need to find a new job? Do I want to be a city manager right now?

Awkward situations bloomed. I was asked several times by many people if I was going to be interim city manager before I knew if I was. I was being asked what I would do differently from my former boss. I was in a public meeting where council discussed deciding on the interim without mentioning me by name.

When I was made the interim, I was relieved and honored. I got to work, keeping things afloat and implementing some of my ideas on how to move the organization forward. The next awkward question was, “Will you apply for the manager position?” I had good relationships with staff, council, and the community, but I knew my uphill battle would be my age/experience level and whether I would be a different enough direction for the city. I was not in a hurry to be a city manager from a career or life standpoint, but I knew I was invested in the city of Golden, and I felt I had a unique perspective to offer.

There were two important things I realized at this point: (1) There was only a slim chance I’d be hired; and (2) though I felt ready to be the city manager, I wanted my version to be clear. I didn’t want to sell a version of myself that I didn’t want in the future or try to please people into hiring me. I wanted to share my authentic self, what I would be like as city manager, with honesty and boundaries.

I decided to apply, and instead of focusing on getting the job, I focused on doing a great job as the interim and feeling good about how I was presenting myself during the interview process. I envisioned the moment after an interview, when I’m in my car driving home, knowing that I had been myself during the interview and that I had shared my vision with council and the community. That was my goal. That focus got me through the next few months of awkwardness, including:

• Three days of public interviews, where anyone is able to submit feedback about you.
• Dinner with council and the other finalists for the position.
• Knowing that people are deciding things about you without truly knowing you.
• Public discussions about how much money you should make.
• Knowing that some people think you are too young, too abrupt, too busy, too “that’s-not-what-a-city-manager-looks-like.”

Through it all, I kept thinking about that moment in my car after the interviews, feeling at peace.

Before I knew it, I was there: six months in as the interim, finished with interviews, and in the car feeling just as I had hoped. I was able to take in many positive moments from staff, some I barely knew, cheering for me and offering emails, kind eyes, and pep talks. Community members reached out in support saying some of the kindest things I’ve ever heard, describing me as just the leader I wanted to be. Council made it clear that I had made significant progress for the city as the interim, and that it was a success.

When I got the call that I didn’t get the job, I was disappointed; no matter how prepared you are, it has to break your heart at least a little. I had to care that much to get that far, but I also felt proud. I was myself, I did a great job, and council hired someone else.

Even after the disappointment, I felt the pride of that moment in the car — so much appreciation for our staff and assurance that council cared deeply for the community. I was still inspired and could still see myself fitting in and making a difference. I felt like I had gotten to see my organization and community from another view, and in turn they got to really see me — and I wasn’t ready to give that up because of disappointment or awkwardness.

With the new city manager’s arrival, I had to transition to being hopeful and supportive. I led with what mattered most, what I thought was best for the community. I briefed our new city manager, Scott Vargo, about all the things I was worried and excited about. I shared all my thoughts and ideas freely because I knew the community would benefit from him being as ready as possible to lead our organization. I happened to have all this information, and he happened to be the one who could use it.

Now over a year later, Scott and I have established a strong working relationship, and I feel empowered to continue to lead in my organization. I know transitions can go all different ways — it will be awkward and scary in the same and different ways than it was for me — but my advice is to take the interim position and apply for the job. Be supportive of the new manager if you don’t get it. No matter what, you will learn a lot about yourself and your community, and those lessons will be valuable. Whether you do it or not, I hope you get to feel how I felt in that moment in the car: proud. It was awkward. It was scary. It was worth it.

CARLY LORENTZ is deputy city manager of Golden, Colorado.